Lies that we accept and truths that we reject...
LIES that build our lives and destroy our joy…
LIE - Be strong and brave.. never cry… crying is for babies.
LIE - Be productive, stay busy… being still in a sin.
LIE - Be reliable and responsible and it will all work out… being happy and carefree is the road to failure.
LIE - Follow the rules… the rules of family, the rules of the church, the rules of society…never go outside the box.
LIE - Others should always go first. You should always go last.
LIE - Others needs are more important than your needs.
LIE - Your worth is based on what you do, not on what you are.
LIE - I will love you if you meet my expectations because then you are worth loving.
LIE - You can be lovable if you make me happy.
These are the lies that destroy our joy.
The truth is…
We can never earn our self-worth, we either accept that we have it or we don’t.
You are valuable because of what you are, just like a tool has worth for what it is.
You can use yourself in ways that are effective or ineffective but your worth is always there waiting to be seen and appreciated.
No one else can give you enough good feedback to heal your self-worth. Healthy adult you (and we all have one, even if it is hard to find) is the only one that can really reparent your inner child to help him or her realize his/her true worth.
Being productive can feel good but it is flimsy foundation for happiness.
The things that make us truly valuable are compassion, kindness, curiosity, empathy and love.
If we have the strength to be kind to ourselves and to others, everything else will take care of itself. When we fall, be curious how to learn from our shortcomings and give ourselves and others grace.
We must take care of our basic needs first (sleep, water, good food, emotional downtime, etc) or we will be of little value to ourselves or anyone else.
We can never make anyone else happy. We may contribute to their happiness by loving them and being kind to them but it is impossible to consistently make someone else happy. We can however be consistently kind to anyone, regardless of their emotional state of being at the time.
The path to happiness is being responsible for our own happiness and sharing our love with those around us. When we treat ourselves with love and grace we will enjoy being kind to others and loving them well.
If we are not kind to ourselves we will ultimately resent having to be kind to others that are not kind to us. We will instead want to meet anger with anger. That is truly the road to hell. The road to joy is meeting anger with compassion and love regardless if that person deserves it or receives it. We can feel good about loving them anyway.
Love yourself exactly as you are and you will learn to love others exactly as they are (last sentence is a paraphrase from Mr. Rogers).
You are an amazing wonderful person and I love you just the way you are right now.